Tip: Sound suitably congested on the phone, for example "Aye ave come down with da floo an can'd come indoo work dis morneng *cough* *cough*"

If you aren't actually that bunged up then that's nothing that a tissue can't sort out anyway (Roll up a small piece of tissue and insert in nostril)

2. I have food poisoning from a dodgy vindaloo/seafood platter and can't keep anything down for longer than.... *Cue running footsteps.....blurgh!*

3. I can't come to work because I have nothing to wear...

4. Sorry I can't come to work because my cat/dog has died and I need a suitable period to mourn.

5. My car has broken down and I'm stranded on the M4.

6. I can't come to work because I am suffering from Amnesia and can't remember where my house is, let alone the office - anyway....who are you?

7. Guerrilla separatists have kidnapped me. If you want to see me alive again leave £100,000 in unmarked notes in my bank account.

8. It is so cold that I can't actually fasten the buttons on my shirt.

9. I cannot come to work today because it is a Holy day in my religion's calendar, I will be busy all morning preparing the goat

10. Sorry I can't come to work today, cancer is rising in my astrological house and I need to exorcise my inner child - man!