Redundancy: the five stages of grief
Losing a job can be very painful, and just like any major bereavement, there is a cycle of grief that you may go through before you start to feel positive again.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the ‘five stages of grief’ to help you – and your family and friends – identify what you’re feeling. The best way to deal with redundancy is to understand this cycle and work through it until you come out the other side, until you can take anything positive from the experience.
If you have been made redundant, you may be experiencing the following emotions:
- Shock & denial: even if redundancies have been widespread at your company, it can still come as quite a shock if you are called into the boss’s room and given the bad news. It will be difficult to take in at first: it is only in the days afterwards that the reality of what it means begins to sink in. Don’t panic at this stage – simply let it all wash over you before you react.
- Anger: once the shock wears off, you might feel incredibly hurt and rejected. This can lead to feelings of anger with the people or the company that has made you redundant. “You have to deal with these feelings,” said psychotherapist Phillip Hodson recently on BBC Breakfast. “If you feel angry, be angry. If you feel unreasonable, be unreasonable – it’s not unreasonable to be unreasonable at a time like this.”
- Bargaining: as you strive to make sense of what has happened, you might even start to feel guilty about not working harder, about not doing more to keep your job. “The important thing here is to keep it impersonal. It is not you but the job that has been made redundant,” said Hodson. “It is very difficult not to blame yourself – of course you take it personally because it has personal impact, but it’s actually the system that’s to blame.” Therefore, no amount of bargaining will get you your job back because it was not your fault that you were made redundant in the first place.
- Depression: just when your friends think you should be starting to see the positive side, you might find yourself sinking into loneliness and isolation. You may have sent off some letters of application, uploaded a few CVs and not really got anywhere, but now is not a time to despair. “Redundancy poses a threat to health because it opens the door into depression,” said Hodson. “It is important not to walk in through that door.” To keep positive, make sure you have a good support network of family and friends around you, or seek professional help to help you deal with your feelings.
- Acceptance: this is the upward turn, when you can start to see the positive side and begin rebuilding your career. Don’t rush yourself – it could take as long as a year to start feeling like this, warned Hodson: “Eventually, you can come out from under the duvet. Eventually, you can look at that mountain and eventually, you can get it into some kind of perspective.” This might mean making readjustments to who or what you were in your previous working life and what you could be in the future. “You can start to say to yourself, ‘ok, I’m no longer a sales executive – what else can I be?’” said Hodson. “You can begin to understand that work isn’t everything – that you are not just your job.”
When you reach this stage, it can very liberating – only then will you really understand what people mean when they say see redundancy as an opportunity. However, you cannot rush to get there – go with your emotions, recognise each stage, and pass through it, safe in the knowledge that you will eventually feel positive again.
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